God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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