quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
