break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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