when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
