It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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