I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
