Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
