I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize
