Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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