So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
