Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
