dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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