I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
