I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
