Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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