Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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