do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
don't judge my taste in strippers
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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