I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
