What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
How external is "for external use only"?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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