I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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