Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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