and you said cock pushups were impossible
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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