I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
