I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
