Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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