My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
