I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
