It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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