and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
