is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
this hospital has no fireball
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
