i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
