I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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