I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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