so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
