you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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