My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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