thus making me awesome and them whores
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
