So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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