Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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