my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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