I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
