and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
