No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
