i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
