If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
