Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
