I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
