nut hugger
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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