i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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