Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
