I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
