Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
