3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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