what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
