If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
don't judge my taste in strippers
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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