my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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