One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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