Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize