i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Randomize
