he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
