Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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