Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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