Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
