peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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