I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
