His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Someone came in the potted fern
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
