Midget sex pt 2 tonight
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
