umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
