Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
